. . . than a sick husband

All wives know this for fact:

There is no one sicker
than a sick husband.

I totally agree: and as you know,
I am no wife.

I tried to make a list of concerns,
but I am too sick to write:
my head aches
my eyes are burning
I am sure I have a temperature
—okay, it didn’t show
the last few times I took it
but I feel much worse now
—and did I tell you
my throat is sore?

My wife never gets this sick:
when she got a mild case
of sniffles last week I told her
to stay in bed,
but she had her friends
coming for bridge and lunch
the next day and had to clean.
I am pleased to say
I gave up watching the game
while I vacuumed the living room
and dried a load
and did dishes—she says
licking several bowls is not doing dishes;
but I was at the sink
and I did stuff
to help out.

But she never gets as sick
as this:
whereas she had a mild
case of sniffles,
I have a full blown cold
or maybe pneumonia.
It’s not fair:
I have this pain in my chest
—and did I tell you about the fever?
My eyes are so sore
I can watch TV for only a few hours
at a time
and I can hardly
hold up the newspaper
but I have to stay informed.

One advantage of Facebook and
email is that I can keep my friends
in the loop about my condition.

Anyway, that’s why I called, Ann:
I thought: talk to my lawyer.
I believe my will is in order but
perhaps after
my doctor’s appointment
this afternoon
I could drop by your office
and check it out?
With pneumonia,
you never know.

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About riverwriter

Poet, playwright, duplicate bridge player, website designer, cottager, husband, father, grandfather, former athlete, carpenter, computer helper for my friends, theatre designer, backstage polymath, retired teacher of highschool English, drama, art, a baritone singer in a barbershop quartet, who knows what else? wordcurrents is on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/wordcurrents/ Doug also has a Facebook page, "Incognitio", related to his novels.
This entry was posted in dramatic monologues, fun, illness, lotus eaters, Poetry, serial and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to . . . than a sick husband

  1. danae McC says:

    I love this new wrinkle: Facebook!

    My husband asks why I’m laughing, fails to see the humor in the poem.

    #;^ )

    • riverwriter says:

      My wife agrees with you, Danae. The only difference is, she says this is a case of truth proving to be funnier than fiction because she has the stuffed-up comedy routine here to prove it. And I really do have a cold that’s in my chest–and did I mention the fever and really bad cough? And sneezing like a tiny miner in once upon a time. I hope you don’t get it; I think my computer is contagious . . .

  2. danae McC says:

    You may have left out the parts about the cough and the sneezing, but when you have the cold from hell, these lapses are understandable.

    If your computer is contagious, I don’t think I’ll touch it.

    “but I was at the sink
    and I did stuff
    to help out”

    This describes precisely what went on when my husband stayed home for a few days after the birth of our daughter. He spent so much time fixing himself snacks, he couldn’t get ahead of the dirty dishes in the sink.

    The poem cracks me up. Am I allowed to print it for future giggles?

  3. stephanie says:

    I’m glad you wrote this for Mum’s sake: it is always best to acknowledge these things so that when these
    flus et al really gets bad, you can get her to laugh! (hand out copies next time you are sick…). I will print a copy for Si and myself as well.

  4. danae McC says:

    Got it. Thanks so much!

  5. S. Gibson says:

    Doug – I love this! I’ve printed it off to show to my husband (and my sister and mother – they have husbands too!)

    Miss playing Scrabulous with you and Kathleen.

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