The big red cap on the weather map
has only recently been there
If you’re looking for the app might as well take a nap
‘cause it’s the latest in the weather scene there

The weather guys never seem surprised
by disparities found between where
they say warm’s been when they really mean
they don’t have a clue if it’s seen there

If you’re displeased when you hear “flash freeze”
is heading your way in the morning
don’t be surprised that it’s not french fries
nor peas but the roads in the warning

It’s not for sex that the polar vortex
and the term “flash freeze” have happened
It’s sound FX for the people who text
on the subject of ground that is snapping

If you haven’t got the hang of a frigid bang
Don’t fret that you’re out of the loop, eh?
They’re really just the gang that invents the language
of weather forecasting for the stupid.

So put on your hat and a coat that makes you fat
and hope you can warm up your tootsies
Hypothermia is bad, so energize stat
and warm yourself by tapping your foot, see?

Your foot, see?
Your footsie, your footsies, your tootsies,
your tootsies.
Warm it up!