{"id":735,"date":"2007-12-04T23:16:44","date_gmt":"2007-12-05T04:16:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/riverwriter.ca\/wordcurrents\/2007\/12\/04\/like-celine\/"},"modified":"2007-12-06T11:16:39","modified_gmt":"2007-12-06T16:16:39","slug":"like-celine","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/riverwriter.ca\/wordcurrents\/2007\/12\/04\/like-celine\/","title":{"rendered":"Like Celine"},"content":{"rendered":"

Oh, I almost forgot.
\nAt about three, this girl comes in
\nwhile I’m on the phone
\nand just stands there
\nwith this piece of paper in her hand
\nand she’s like, holding it on the counter?
\nI catch a glance while I’m telling Teddie
\nall about the silliness at Jackie’s last Friday\u2014
\nand it was that one\u2014oh, you know,
\nthat album with all the hair
\nlike snakes, out about a foot from her
\nhead in all directions\u2014
\nI think\u2014I know<\/em>\u2014 my god,
\nshe wants me to do that to her!
\nAnd I’ve never seen her before!
\nI finished off with Teddie, said it was an emergency
\nor something,
\nand asked the poor thing
\nif there was something I could do?
\nAnd she tells me she wants to look like Celine.
\nWell the poor thing doesn’t have
\nCeline’s cheekbones
\nor her long horsey face that needs a foot of extensions
\nwrithing on each side of her head to compensate
\nWho could walk around with that?
\nShe’d need to hire a staff of shepherds
\nto walk around with long crooks
\njust to keep it from running away!
\nI looked her right in the eye
\nand I said Honey, why you need to look like Celine?
\nWell, she starts this tale of woe\u2014
\nall these folk have soap opera lives\u2014
\nlike how this boy she works with
\nis never going to notice her
\nand she’s got her whole paycheck
\nand she’s going to blow it on
\nthis Celine thing with her hair
\nto win the day.
\nI see a tear growing
\nin the corner of her eye
\nand I see her fingernails chewed down
\nand her sorry excuse for rewashed
\nand resewn clothes
\nand how her coat isn’t warm enough
\nand how she’s too plain
\nand too forgettable
\nand how nothing in her life
\never has been or ever will be enough.
\nShe sure can’t afford
\nthe three hundred dollars
\nthat do would cost, but I think what the hell, it’s Christmas;
\nI can do something for her.
\nSo I look her in the eye
\npoor little pimply plug,
\nand I say sit in that chair, girl:
\nif you’ve got ten dollars there,
\nI’m going to make you look just like Celine.
\nGot to go, Hon; my two o’clock’s here.
\nCome right in, Mrs. Mac: sit down, and I’ll be right with you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Oh, I almost forgot. At about three, this girl comes in while I’m on the phone and just stands there with this piece of paper in her hand and she’s like, holding it on the counter? I catch a glance … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[25,3],"tags":[135,170,189,107],"class_list":["post-735","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dramatic-monologue","category-poetry","tag-christmas","tag-commerce","tag-monolog","tag-seasonal"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/riverwriter.ca\/wordcurrents\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/735","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/riverwriter.ca\/wordcurrents\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/riverwriter.ca\/wordcurrents\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/riverwriter.ca\/wordcurrents\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/riverwriter.ca\/wordcurrents\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=735"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/riverwriter.ca\/wordcurrents\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/735\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/riverwriter.ca\/wordcurrents\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=735"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/riverwriter.ca\/wordcurrents\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=735"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/riverwriter.ca\/wordcurrents\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=735"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}