There must be, in the particular hell that I have in mind,
\na special depth of bubbling sulphur reserved
\nwith special prejudice, for the guys responsible for
\nhead-banging wake-you-in-the-middle-of-the-night
\nand-refuse-to-turn-off-no-matter-what-you-do-with-your-keys
\nwhile-you-stand-there-in-your-pajamas-in-the-middle-of-the-neighborhood
\nwhile-everybody-ignores-you-but-knows-that-you’re-there
\ncar alarms.<\/p>\n
If there was ever an invention, scheme or torture
\ndevised to humiliate, inconvenience and infuriate
\nits owner; if there was ever a device
\nthat so completely fails to prevent theft
\nor perform any useful function, it is the
\ncar alarm.<\/p>\n
If you remove it, you cannot drive your car.
\nIf you open the trunk while holding your keys,
\nor if the temperature or humidity taunt it,
\nor a if you trip while you carry groceries and your keys
\nor if who knows what totally arbitrary thing happens,
\nyou will hear your useless farking tool of a
\ncar alarm.<\/p>\n
It is really too bad the car alarm had not been invented
\nwhen they were filming the The Prisoner: it would
\nhave been the perfect Kafka-esque absurdity for Number Six.
\nAll hail the car alarm\u2014 driving everyone equally crazy,
\none honk after honk after honk after honk after honk after honk at a time:
\ncar alarms.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Name one good thing about car alarms. The poet writes a screed. (#1026) Continue reading