We have considered replacing
\nour poor old vacuum cleaner
\nwith its frayed cord
\nthat won’t retract properly
\nand the handle that falls off
\nif you don’t cradle it just so,
\nand it does have a tendency to
\npull to the left
\nand has been known to fart dust
\nfrom a sneaky slit in the hose
\nif you don’t squeeze it.<\/p>\n
I could list other endearing
\nqualities, but somehow
\ntelling seems like infidelity.
\nThese quirks are our
\nsecret. It’s not a shameful secret
\nnor is it a dirty little secret:
\nit’s more of a state secret
\nfor our eyes only.
\nSo don’t tell anybody.
\nEspecially a vacuum salesman;
\nfirst things first:
\nthe TV picture is a strange shade of green
\nthe kitchen table wobbles
\nthe steam iron sounds orgasmic
\nthe toaster throws burnt toast
\nacross the room
\nbut more important
\nour espresso machine has given up the ghost
\nand we’re looking for a new one.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
We become accustomed to subtle changes in our appliances until they become monsters. (#945) Continue reading