Oh his cigarette smoke was
curling ’round his
blonde hair like a halo
as he leaned against
the barberpole on
the front of Louie’s
Barbershop and he
exhaled like a soldier
with ten minutes before
the orders came
and that was when old
Liliannette walked by.
Well Lilliannette was
a lady from the old school
in the city and she
walked with an aged
dignity that nobody else
could imitate and she
passed by the guy by the
barberpole as if he didn’t
exist as yet and he
couldn’t ignore her
challenge so he
flicked his cig
to the sidewalk
and he quickened his
pace behind her
and she smiled as she
stopped at her doorway
and the minute
the young guy reached it
she was gone.
awesome use of syntax in the first two lines… i love the turning point in the second stanza so much
I had fun with this one. As I tagged it, it is an experiment, because I used a specific rhythm; also, I worked very carefully to draw no conclusions for the reader, but to suggest many. I am glad it worked for you. I am contemplating following this one up, either the rhythmic considerations, or the millieu/characters.