blurring

so vague the final breath has gone
so cruel the silence in the room
so hard the softly sinking lung

he’s dead the words become so last
those tears so cold so hard so past
so slow so old so small so vast

in silent coffin bind the flesh
in icy bands so laid to rest
the solemn brow so sweet expressed
so sore distressed.

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About riverwriter

Poet, playwright, duplicate bridge player, website designer, cottager, husband, father, grandfather, former athlete, carpenter, computer helper for my friends, theatre designer, backstage polymath, retired teacher of highschool English, drama, art, a baritone singer in a barbershop quartet, who knows what else? wordcurrents is on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/wordcurrents/ Doug also has a Facebook page, "Incognitio", related to his novels.
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2 Responses to blurring

  1. drew says:

    just read this one from the aging cat. .. i thought the ending seemed too abrupt; read it aloud, too.. might just be difference in inner dialogue..

  2. riverwriter says:

    Robert Frost had an interesting comment about the rhyme scheme of “Stopping by woods on a snowy evening“. He said that it was obvious once he started the second quatrain he was committed to a difficulty ending it. But his solution was elegant: his final quatrain breaks the pattern. My rhyme scheme does not have the same issue, exactly, but the rhyme scheme/stanza form does create a difficulty which I attempted to solve by changing the structure from triplet to a quatrain. It may be abrupt, but I think it suits my intent of desentimentalizing the subject. I appreciate your comment, however, as it is making me consider the question of length here. Why do you say “cat”?

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